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For decades I was a proud five-star doormat for my partners, giving up everything in the name of love. Making everyone except myself happy was my operating program. Wearing a happy face, taking exquisite care of everyone and giving freely of my light and energy—I was perfect prey for narcissists.
Initially my knight in shining armor placed me high on a pedestal, ensuring a long drop when he pushed me off. Judged, criticized, belittled, lied to, repeatedly betrayed and psychically abused behind the scenes, I lost touch with who I was.
My inner picture of self was a longhaired garbage can. With an outwardly enviable life the world told me that I had nothing to complain about, so I tried to convince myself that everyone was right.
After a particularly brutal week of condemnation and icy rejection, he said something which sent a bolt of lightning to my tortured soul:
“Your job as my wife is to turn your light down around me.”
My perspective of who I was radically shifted in that moment. My inner garbage can disintegrated and I rolled up my doormat.
“Wow! He sees my light! I am light! I don’t have to do doormat anymore!” Like a light bulb that had been in a drawer for decades, I only needed to plug myself into a socket other than that of a narcissist.
And plug in I did.
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With a master practitioner certification in neuro-linguistic programming in 1990 I began the quest to find my sanity.
When I first heard the term narcissist, everything began to make sense. Unknowingly I had been caught in their invisible webs for decades. I made it my mission to learn everything I could about narcissists and the dynamics of being in relationship with them.
I delved into family constellation work, system dynamics, humanistic psychology, Essence Training, Energy Balancing and group leadership. The path to freedom, I learned, had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I was licensed in 2008 as a non-medical practitioner of psychotherapy in Germany, where I resided for 25 years.
Client after client sat across from me and told me their story—my story—our story. Over-helpers, empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other like magnets. Unfortunately, the dance is always the same.
Breaking out of the prison of disempowering beliefs with the help of many techniques, as well as understanding the dynamics between myself and narcissists has enabled me to stop being a doormat and reclaim my life. No longer killing myself to be loved by them, I came to love myself and all of life. The relationship I’ve cultivated with the deeper me—my truth, essence and vulnerability, my lovable, deserving self—is heaven on earth.
Narcissists no longer find me interesting or desirable and the feeling is mutual.
As a thriving survivor of narcissistic abuse, my five children witnessed their mom transform from a doormat to an empowered woman who is now able to support the transformation of others. Everyone—from our lifelong friends to our grandchildren—benefits when we stop the toxic dance with narcissists and are free to shine our light brightly.
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+1 (818) 915-1430
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