Blog/Video – Life Solutions Coaching

Yea! I had just scored a goal for our seminar team! I am having so much fun thrashing around in the water playing volleyball. I hadn’t expected to have time to play while at this personal development weekend. But I‘m enjoying every moment, fully present and in blissful action.

“Meda, I didn’t know you were so competitive. What a surprise”, I hear my coach say.

I freeze.

My heart and breathing stop, body temperature drops.

Shame, embarrassment and guilt surge through me, obliterating the joy I had just been feeling.

“Uh oh,” I realize I’ve been triggered!

I’m at this retreat on a mission to reclaim my true essence qualities, “I’m brave, I’m enough, I’m whole, valuable and lovable just the way I am . . . “

Right now I feel none of that.

I feel the deep, dark holes of ancient wounds and the traumas from my youngest years that formed my negative self-beliefs.

I remember the words of the famous Sufi master, Rumi:

“The wound is the place where light enters you.”

Most of us spend our lifetime skirting around them, pretending they’re not there and doing everything in our power to avoid falling in. But when we are truly committed to our own growth and to our divine mission, we go into the holes allowing the light to enter us.

I leave the pool, determined to dive instead into this inner hole of guilt and shame around being competitive.

I consciously breathe into the feelings, allowing them room, even as I think the deep black hole will go on forever.

In real time it’s just a few minutes, just long enough to get the core feelings. Suddenly I burst through, surrounded by and infused by understanding and holy light.

“Always let the boys win or they won’t like you,” the belief whispers.

Mom definitely led her life that way. She impressed her belief on my tender, young mind.

I realize many coping behaviors I created as a child to repress any competitive urges.

Amenable, cooperative, people-pleaser, being a quiet wallflower, a follower . . .

As soon as the belief becomes visible I am able to transform it. I bathe it in the light of love until the truth emerges.

When I’m being the best me in an abundant world there is no win or lose. I realize that I’m not attracted to a boy living in scarcity and needing to win all the time.

Now I can bring the energy and zest of competition to my life, powerfully enhancing my growth and creativity and fun! I think the boys might find that attractive.

I smile and am welcomed back into the game.

Can you remember a time when you were immersed in the fun of life and it came to a screeching halt with a harmless comment? What holy qualities are buried in your inner holes waiting to be released, reclaimed, loved and lived?

That’s the work.

Reclaiming your holy self.

With a connecting heart,

Meda